Pogo is one very contented cat

He likes to lounge in the shop window and test out any new chairs that we might have as he likes his home comforts. He now has his own fan club and if he's not in the window we have to go and find him to keep his public content.

Just to prove it...

Poppy on the other hand...

 There once was a cat called Poppy

 Whose eyes were oh so soppy

 She got fed all the time

 If not she would whine

 And then she would get all stroppy

                                                                               Poppy by Emily Harrison

" 'Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the house

nothing was stirring

not even a mouse..."

...eek...eek......eek...eek

more acurately:

" 'Twas the night after my release from hospital following a hip replacement

and all through the house

no-one could hear me

shouting Jo there's a mouse!"

I was confined to the dining room downstairs for my recuperation (as the physios didnt see the funny side when I advised them that my stairs were perfectly safe for me, being spiral, uneven, no handrails and somewhat creaky - a bit like me really! Hence; you can only go home if you promise not to go upstairs!)

So there I was, 2 in the morning woken by an eek...eeka country noise heard many times before with the unmistakable meaning that our feline friends had brought home a guest for supper!

Now I am not speedy at the best of times but just 6 days after surgery I was particularly slow. I didnt rush to the scene which I strongly suspected would change from an unknown incident to a murder before I had even arrived, however this was not the case.

I arrived in the lounge still in my pyjamas to a most unusual nocturnal Mexican stand-off.

In the middle, bolt upright and petrified with fear, was a small field mouse; Malcolm.

3 feet to the front and side was Pogo, clearly looking forward to playing with his new friend, however 3 feet the other side of Malcolm was Poppy whose intentions were altogether more sinister. She was surprised and delighted that her normally bothersome brother had brought her breakfast in bed!

Cats are very territorial animals and herein was the cause of the stand-off, Pogo is a young fesity male all purrs and pouncing but soppy and clueless when it comes to converting his quarry to a simple supper for one. However he is still the "boss" of the lounge area, Poppy is allowed in but only on his terms and she is subject to periodic vicious bullying just to underline his leadership qualities of course (a bit like The Apprentice but with more cuddly competitors). Poppy has no choice but to accept this situation however, the tables are reversed when food is at stake. Wherever or whenever this might occur, Poppy is very much Top Cat and her rather ample proportions compared to her lean and mean brother are testimony to her commitment in this area.

So back to Malcolm and the mexican stand-off. Pogo is in his territory with an early Christmas present whilst Poppy has mentally converted the anxious mouse into a meal for one and was not planning a diet anytime soon.

So enter Hop-A-Long Harrison at 3 miles per hour and, after spotting that both cats and mouse were wholly pre-occupied, I joined the scene from the front but carefully and slowly brought my elbow crutch round behind Malcolm and gently placed the rubber foot down with firm pressure on his tail.

Feeling this force, Malcolm was sprung from his trance and attempted to bolt. This was reminiscent of a Tom and Jerry cartoon as, whilst his little legs circled at high speed, he remained firmly caught and went nowhere very fast. Balancing on my one good leg I used the other crutch as a sweeper to fend off the two mischievous kittens who were waking up to the fact that their plans were being thwarted. True to form, Pogo was unperturbed and was quite enjoying this new game of jump the crutch whilst Poppy was rather more distressed sensing that her midnight snack was being cruelly revoked. No time therefore to wait for the next attack I acted promptly, if not quickly. Looking like a cross between the world's worst ballerina and a construction site crane I tilted and leant downwards eventually collecting the mouse by his tail from the floor and resuming an upright position thereafter (not quite what the physios had in mind when they had suggested controlled mobilisation exercises).

Now, rather pleased with myself I felt a brief moment of triumph before realising that now with a mouse in one hand I was even more precarious than previously and I still had two crafty cats circling my ankles. I was not looking forward to being used as a climbing post by Poppy, particularly as my leg staples did look worryingly like a miniature ladder running up my leg and thigh!

So a couple more shouts for re-inforcements, although that was in vain hope indeed, as even if alerted I could not immagine any of my female family volunteering to take the mouse from my hands. So nothing for it but to continue what I had started and effect a release to the wilderness of Cowfold Churchyard. So now with just one crutch and one good leg, one set of pyjamas and mouse dangling by his tail , paws clasped seemingly praying for deliverance, I set out down the church path to find a safe release spot. I already knew from bitter experience that a back door release of a stunned critter almost inevitably resulted in an immediate swoop by Poppy who would not fail to feed at the second opportunity.

Despite my delicate circumstances i couldn't help but wonder if any local boys in blue might still patrol Cowfold in the wee small hours and, if they did, just what they might make of someone wearing a hospital band and pyjamas and holding a mouse in one hand and an elbow crutch in the other. I didn't exactly rush home after the release but it was the fastest that I had moved in some weeks!